Thursday, 6 September 2007

Usafiri wa Mbagala Luxury Bus

You are very primitive if you have never boarded a luxury DCM daladala to Mbagala rangi tatu! I am very serious, you must be in another world altogether. YOU are not in Bongoland!!! Why dont you prove me right or wrong and take a trip from ferry to Mbagala? Or much better Mbagala to Mwenge or Kawe this weekend???? Back to Mbagala. So I did this experiment last weekend. Bored and hopeless I decided to just go to Mbagala, then Kongowe,then to Kibada, then Mji mwema, then Kigamboni, then board the dangerous MV Alina or Kivukoni ferry accross the ocean then a bus to Mtoni and call it a good and blessed day. That is a poor mans' tourism.Just go around, drink madafu and go back to your so called home! It is your home anyway, no matter if the roofing is made up of grass! The whole round trip costs only 2,000 bob .Tourism is not only about Manyara, Serengeti and Selous. I boarded a noisy and smoky TOYOTA DCM bus from Ferry to Mbagala Rangi Tatu and it was a trip to hell. I did not count but I could guess we were more than 80 in a 40 seat bus.This is bongo! Some of the passengers were getting through the windows and others were getting through the door! Nothing strange for Mbagala citizens! This is perfectly normal. Some young men were chewing sugar cane in the bus and several women had buckets of fresh fish, mostly sardines. Others were eating oranges and friedfish...that is total freedom!!! There were few young men smoking in the bus and no one dared to say anything!!! Say a word and you may end up in a hospital bed with several stitches on your scalp plus tetanus if you are not already caput. The bus was full but the conductor said there was a lot of space, just squeeze into the bus...once the head enters, you are inside!!!

"Kuna nafasi za kulala!!!siti bado kibaaaao, gari haijai, inajaa ndoo yamaji!!!""

Dont worry,some can even go up into the carrier. And there were not less than ten up there. They must pay 200 bob before they are allowed to climb the ladder to heaven. When at last the driver was convinced that even the door cannot be closed, we started our luxurious trip. There were fumes of all kinds...alcohol, cigarettes, fish and of course some exhaust from some places and holes.

"We dada uwe unanyoa j amani !!! Mrembo mzuri lakini kikwapa kinanuka!!!" "Mpashe huyooo...kasuka nywele utazania kalambwa na ng'ombe!!! Eti ndio katoa shilingi alfu saluni! mie kama ni mke wangu namnyoa usiku...zooote akiamka kama kibwengo!!"

"Mrembo gani huyu hebu mwone midomo kama subiani...hivi anajiona kapendeza sanaaaa!!! Eti wanaiga wazungu lipustiki!!!" " Kama ni mke wangu wallah nakuapia talaka saba!!! Ati anajifanya misstanzania ...kumbe kalalia mlo wa mhogo na mchicha!!!"

I knew something was brewing...not good!!! A middle aged man at the back seat began to vomit...and it was nasty!!! "Eheee!!! gongo la kigamboni hilo !!!." Kwani Kigamboni kuna gongo la bure??? Pesa yangu nakula...nitakutoa nishai... Wee kama huna hela shauri lako macho kama kenge kasoro mkia etcetc.. We pretended not to laugh ,lest the wrath of the devils turn upon us.

We mama mbona unanikalia? na minguo yako imelowa misamaki???unajua bei ya hii suruali yangu?? Umewahi kukaliwa weee,koma kabisa!!! kama una ubavu si ushuke ukapandetaxi??? Wee mama si ungepanda ungo,mwanga mkubwa wee!!!

and so on and on and on!!! We ended up at Kilwa Road Police station!!! Not from the foul and filthy language and insults but from a totally different story. The so called conductor, who I can tell you never attended any school,began collecting money straight away. As usual some young snake- generation (mzao wa nyoka?) skin head,pretended that he was deep asleep, of course after taking cheap gongo at Kigamboni. The conductor woke him up roughly demanding bus fare. The red eyed son of the earth , with a pungent smell of a mixture of cheap alcohol retorted "I dont have a single cent! You can go to hell" The conductor was not a fool. He went around collecting other passengers fares and went back to the red eyed young devil. This time everyone knew that a something terrible would soon happen. He took the drunk by the collar and demanded money. The young devil produced a knife and the conductor produced a screw driver, and it was a madmans'house.

"Dereva peleka gari polisi!!! Kuna mchizi hataki kulipa halafu anakisu!!!Lazima aende selo huyu!! "

By then we were near police station, Kilwa road.The driver took the overloaded bus to Kilwa road police station.Someone in the bus said: "hivi kweli abiria tunapelekwa polisi kwa ajili ya shilingi mia mbili tu?? Mimi nitamlipia!" The bus had already parked. A policeman came and asked what was the big deal! "Afande kulikuwa na Chizi hataki kulipa lakini mimi nitamlipia!

"Come on...did you come for fashion show at a police station?Everyone in the bus come down, one by one and you driver come and write a report inside.

"Mmekuja kuuza sura hapa? gari imejaa kama ile ya Mererani, nanyi abiria mnakubali kupangwa kama sangara!!!Halafu unadhani utaondoka hivi hivi tu hapa? Gari yako kwanza ni mbovuna hii ni wiki ya usalama haijakaguliwa!!!"

The man who was vomiting could not come down. He alone was left at the back seat of the bus ,snoring! We spent more than one hour under police watchful eyes and at last we were allowed to board our beloved bus... I dont know what the driver did but there was a very good smile onthe policemans face when we were leaving, he even wished us safari njema!!!Bon voyage. Jaribu na wewe kama huamini. I remember someone in high places mentioned "MABASI YA KASI"... or was it adream??? Yanakuja lini? Karibu ELEKEA KAWE.


Egidio Ndabagoye said...

Hii imenifanya nicheke alafu nisikitike pia.Barabara ya Kilwa ilikuwa barabara yangu kipindi nasoma kwa Massawe Jite Ute!.
Kila siku ilikuwa lazima konda apewe kisago mpaka iakwa ni hali ya kawaida tu sasa,lakini ukiangalia sio maisha kabisa yale.

Mbagala-Feri kweli dcm zake kama unevaa nguo safi basi jua ukifika kituoa chao cha kazi au shule basi una manukato ya samaki.
Kusovu tatizo hayo ni yale mabasi makubwa yanayohubiriwa na waheshimiwa.Yameshafika?.

Vipi barabara ya kilwa haijapanuliwa kwa njia zile 2.


Anonymous said...

kweli this is hilarious..nimecheka hadi machozi is so really and sad as one commented but at the sime time u have managed to put it in a humerous way...i am very familiar with such means of transport ..may be that is why it was so hilarious forme...keep it up...

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